If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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