Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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