that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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