I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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