drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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