So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
