I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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