Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
