Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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