TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
