you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
