My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
is that a dick in a sweater?
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