i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
