so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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