Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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