he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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