If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
