Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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