Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
