so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize