What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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