He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
