We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
