She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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