Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
