I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
