Sry I called you an 8
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
