WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
