His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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