I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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