they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
