..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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