What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
MIDGETS
????
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
