This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
