Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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