1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
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