everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize