"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
