i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
