isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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