It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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