This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
