He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
