one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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