In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
