have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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