please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
