i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
