it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
