so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
