And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
