I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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