you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
