She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
