ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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