I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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