I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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