things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
