So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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