just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize