You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
