Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
