I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
