Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize