maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
