Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I see more hoeing in ur future
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