And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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