He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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