why im i the only drunk person in the library?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
