I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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