We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
