So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
