At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
