Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
