Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize