Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
