Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
