Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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