Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Two words: nipple clamps
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