There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
if only i could text you this smell
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
