I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
