It's Friday. Sex?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
