i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Shame is for Republicans.
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