And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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