actually, I'm a sock model
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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