i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
