Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
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