FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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